Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
