So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His hands were made for my vagina.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
