i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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