bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Houston, we have a blender
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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