If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
