so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
