i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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