The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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