I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
