You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
