I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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