i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
