were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
