I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
