i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We had sex on a dog bed..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
