She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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