Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
