i permit you to call me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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