Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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