Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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