my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We need a shit load of segways right now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
