He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
