Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
