You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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