it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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