plz talk dirty to me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
