Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
