um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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