you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Im part way to drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
