i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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