420 ftw
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
