I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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