I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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