batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
