i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
