we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So many bounce houses so little time
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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