i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
