Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
