He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
