ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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