I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
