i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
