Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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