have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
