You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
