I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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