I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
