So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
