You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
