I must be too annoying 4 u.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
