next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
