I just cut my nipple shaving
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
