My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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