her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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