Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
