You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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