So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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