I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
