someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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