i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
