I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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