If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
