a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
