are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
