8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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