Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
