Swine flu. Run for my life!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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