Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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