I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
did i just pee glitter
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
