I'm gonna have a badass scar
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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