he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
