Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You ruined the universe
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